In case you missed it, Sally “Allow me to wait three weeks and then write about a once-relevant topic by culling together all the worthwhile opinions, again, from two to three weeks ago and making them mediocre; also, I love horses, let me tell you about it” Jenkins finally did something right and nearly timely for once. Come to defend Crying Tim Tebow’s honor on this pro-Life Super Bowl ad:
I’m pro-choice, and Tebow clearly is not. But based on what I’ve heard in the past week, I’ll take his side against the group-think, elitism and condescension of the “National Organization of Fewer and Fewer Women All The Time.” For one thing, Tebow seems smarter than they do.
Tebow’s 30-second ad hasn’t even run yet, but it already has provoked “The National Organization for Women Who Only Think Like Us” to reveal something important about themselves: They aren’t actually “pro-choice” so much as they are pro-abortion. [...] Trouble is, you can’t focus on the game without focusing on the individuals who play it — and that is the genius of Tebow’s ad. The Super Bowl is not some reality-free escape zone. Tebow himself is an inescapable fact: Abortion doesn’t just involve serious issues of life, but of potential lives, Heisman trophy winners, scientists, doctors, artists, inventors, Little Leaguers — who would never come to be if their birth mothers had not wrestled with the stakes and chosen to carry those lives to term. And their stories are every bit as real and valid as the stories preferred by NOW.
Bully for Sally, eh? Now, onto the ABC News headline that sent the Vanderbilt blood pressure up a collective tick: “Teen Girl With No Vagina Pregnant by Sperm Survival from Oral Sex.” Versus today did a Morning After/Walk of Shame Guide, replete with a Good Night/Bad Night chart. Can I put this one up to you, as The Worst Night Ever?
A strange tale of oral sex, a knife fight and the most unlikely of pregnancies recently brought to light by the blogosphere has doctors touting the triumphant persistence of sperm. [...]
Yet by looking at her records the hospital staff realized the young woman was in the hospital 278 days earlier with a knife wound to her stomach. The average pregnancy lasts 280 days. After interviews, they gathered that “Just before she was stabbed in the abdomen she had practiced fellatio with her new boyfriend and was caught in the act by her former lover. The fight with knives ensued.”
First of all, whoever wrote that medical report, or translated it for ABC News, needs to calm down. By her former lover? Little did she know it was her former lover’s evil twin brother, Guillermo, who toiled away for years…er, she’s fifteen…since last month…in the salt mines. It was a crime of passion! The fight with knives ensued.
More importantly, however:
Bad night: You’re providing a guy an oral…favor when your ex walks in.
Worse night: Your ex stabs you.
Worst night: Now you’re pregnant.
It’s like one of those 1990s updates to a Shakespearean play, where like Iago does X and Othello listens to an off-brand Wu Tang, by which I mean: uncomfortable and unbelievable.
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Hahahahaha. Guillermo. This is a situation beyond our Versus solution skills.
Notice the epic article linked in the “Related” section on abcnews:
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Sex/story?id=3436936&page=1
“He urges parents not to circumcise their children, but to allow the children to make that decision when they reach age 18. At that point, he said, only three out of every 1,000 males elect to be circumcised.”
Scientists are still puzzled as to why only 0.3% of males would choose to undergo this operation.